Thursday, April 15, 2021

Game Infarcer: After saving the world, the hero returns home and sleeps on sheets like a nutcase

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Throg returned to his modest home on Tuesday morning after defeating his mortal enemy, Ka’al, and bringing the Gaia Crystals to their rightful place in The Whispering Tree Shrine. It was a long journey, lengthened when Throg’s horse got its leg stuck between two rocks.

While dreaming, he recalled some of the highlights of his trip. Hundreds of Ka’al’s Cursed Legion fell upon Throg’s blade, though he saved his most gruesome eviscerations for the last standing member of each group of enemies. Time seemed to slow down as Throg kicked a pikeman or an ax-wielding barbarian on his knees, kicked him in the chest, then cut his head off. Next, Throg celebrated by pulling an empty mug of mead to his lips and pantomime a regenerating sip of stamina.

The hero awoke, fully dressed, and walked over to his simmering cauldron. The bubbling pot of tanned liquid had been left alone for months, but it was as nourishing as the day it first materialized, along with everything else in Throg’s house. Throg consumed it in three spoons of the spoon then left the empty bowl on the table so it could disappear.

“I only wish I could have shared this meal with The Raveness,” Throg didn’t tell anyone. She was truly a beauty, and Throg yearned to hold her hand, but intertwining the fingers was beyond their ability. Instead, their doomed court was limited to smashing their faces together and removing their shirts before darkness came.

Throg dropped all of his newly acquired possessions in a heap on the floor and assumed a fetal position on his bed, on his sheets, as it was his way. Ignoring the cold, he slept and moved on for the rest of his life, 24 hours at a time.

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